I Saw My Heart Today
I felt particularly spirited when I arrived for my routine cardio stress test at the clinic. The technicians returned my positive energy, bantering with me as they prepared me for the run on the treadmill. We shared jokes and laughter, rolling about how infrequent such positive interactions we experience in our hectic daily lives. Soon, I was ready for the test, feeling like ‘Neo’ from “The Matrix,” awakening in a dystopian world of machines attached to a network of wires and cables as if emerging from a simulated reality.
During the Echo procedure, after a frantic run, I saw a black-and-white image of my little heart on the monitor, accompanied by the sounds of valves opening and closing, pumping and gushing blood into my veins and entire body. I must’ve gone quiet at that moment, staring at the image, as the technician asked me if I was doing alright. “Wait, I expected a little red heart like the ‘heart’ emoji,” I responded. She giggled and said, “This is your real heart pumping beautifully. You performed very well.”
Hearing and watching my heart in action was a deeply personal and introspective experience. The last time I felt like that was when I saw my baby boy on the monitor during my pregnancy. It evoked a wide range of emotions and thoughts, creating a profound sense of connection to the world and others, like strands in a web. We often take this simple yet complex and automated action for granted. Like the chance we’re given, waking up every morning.
My heart has endured the highs and lows of my life with strength, perseverance, and even vulnerability. Listening to it in action made me more aware of the mind-body connection and its significance in my life. Without its beat, nothing else matters, and it reinforced the importance of prioritizing health over stressful thoughts.
The rhythmic thumping of my heart reminded me of my mortality, prompting reflection on the fragility and preciousness of life. Our bodies can function without conscious thoughts, yet we entertain thousands of worrisome thoughts daily, believing we can control the outcomes by stressing over them. In reality, we disrupt our hearts’ and brains’ harmonious and miraculous actions by inducing negative thoughts.
So, I listened. I listened to the song of my heart, a melody of resilience and defenselessness entangled. And in its gentle tempo, I found a sense of clarity, purpose, solace, and a renewed appreciation for the precious gift of life. I surrendered. There is a greater force than us in this life.
"The Heart is a secret inside the secret" -Rumi.
I’ll leave you with this thought about the nature of existence and interconnectedness of all things: What if the universe was created out of a collective consciousness aware of itself, a force of creation in action without physical thinking as we comprehend, for our own goodness? Just as our hearts beat without direction or conscious thoughts to keep us well and alive.